I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
