i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They took my balls.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
