I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
