it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
