Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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