if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
