love makes seman taste better
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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