Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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