MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
