we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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