I wish I could teleport
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
