who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
