i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I am one with the molecules
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
