Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
