check it out our google latitudes are spooning
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
