Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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