Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
