had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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