Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
