just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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