my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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