he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
