I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
