remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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