end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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