I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You pole danced in your parka.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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