All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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