JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize