That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
