i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
