The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize