both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
send nudes
from the living room?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
