I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
