ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
this hospital has no fireball
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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