i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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