The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Even my vagina gasped.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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