Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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