Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
