I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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