i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
They took my balls.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize