her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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