Im at strip club and am horny
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
