I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
