We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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