I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize