recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
