I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
