Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
