So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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