Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
