Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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