Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
