she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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