There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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