D3 body, D1 cock
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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