so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
