Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
