i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
