I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
