a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
