Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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